Haiku Wednesday: White Yankee Elephant Swap

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Festivus, and Merry Winter Solstice. However you decide to celebrate, may your gifts be better than these. And if you will be participating in what North Americans refer to as a White Elephant or Yankee Swap gift exchange, I hope you are able to stun your colleagues and constituents with [...]

Haiku Wednesday: Photos With Santa

… And this one’s Jenny. When I behead you girls you’ll both be in row five.   Black socket Santas trafficking confused children. Yule wish you were safe.     Hey, Santa Wizard, step away from the orphans and calm your ‘stache, please.    I hate sax music! Make the imp go away, Dad! Winter’s leprachaun!    Cobwebbed Christmas trees [...]

Haiku Wednesday: Ugly Rennaissance Babies

Thanks to my pal Kristy for pointing out the source of these photos: http://uglyrenaissancebabies.tumblr.com/ And if you like poetry, please visit my friend Tom’s latest poetry blog at http://contentedunderpressure.wordpress.com/ .. Timberlake-haired tot With the sharp bird beak nose, please cover your wee junk. … Zombie angel ghouls bite and devour Jesus Christ. He tastes Heavenly! [...]

Haiku Wednesday: More Unexplainables

Basket case Billy; Quick, someone slam the lid shut and roll it downhill! ….  A Morton Salt ad for a tasty suckling Babe, When it rains, it oinks. …..  Such conflicting props. Quoth the raven, “Never horns!” So David Lynch-esque.  …..  THEY LIVE for judgment, numbered female namelessness, and torpedo boobs. …..  This teddy bear sucks. [...]

Haiku Wednesday: A Halloween Ode to Horror

  Legend of Zelda; Anorexic PSA, A pawn of the King. …    The sight of this clown Makes me need to change my drawers… They all float down here! … … Overlook Furries, Gimme some snort-hog lovin’! You’re my caretaker <3 … … I don’t feel so well. Puppetmasta, puke fasta! This grosses me out* [...]

Haiku Wednesday…On Thursday: Part Deux

Lenny the Bear laughs at the photog’s disregard for his fellow man. ….. Put ‘em up, sweet cheeks, this random bird cage is mine! And stop with that grin! ….. Lynn admires Ann for her negative jean size; “one day I’ll be thin…” …. Boot! Get your boot here! Did I mention it’s RUBBER? And [...]

Haiku Wednesday…On Thursday

These photos, originally posted in Buzzfeed, were brought to my attention by @goebejoe. Kudos to you, my friend, for stoking my haiku fire. I needed that. WARNING: a few may be unsuitable for younger readers. Billy always hates weekends at Satan’s…that’s some court-ordered bullsh**. … Old-time Basket Case. But Belial is polite and snappily dressed. … Big Boss ”Cheeks” Malone has Miami [...]

Haiku Wednesday: Classic Moments In Sports

Another head grows filled with your noggin’s anger: “Quatto of the brain”. … Pool your resources. How’d the high dive contest go? It went swimmingly. … Shot put of straining… To push your skull through your face or blow a throat node. … Overexcited crazed orange musculature. Sir, you scare me. … Winded mask-faced pro, look [...]

Getting Back Into the “King” of Things

I’m not into Harry Potter (all gasp!) or Twilight (tweenage gasp!) “Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” –Stephen King I am watching –not reading– the True Blood series (southern gasp!) And I’m [...]

Haiku Wednesday: Dream Parlors

You southern charmer! Like Sooki’s home from TrueBlood. Multi-textured warmth. … My medieval lust flares hot at this chamber’s sight; a fortress-sized “want”. …… I dream of woodwork: of ornate oak filigree… and Persian rug fields. … A room with a Clue. I’d study you all day long, Nirvana of tomes. … Frosted angel cake – the Marie Antoinette [...]