My Mission: Hunting Down the Perfect Trench Coat

Spring in Chicago means trench coats, the cutesy tie-the-belt khaki kind. But it is COLD and my little H&M number isn’t cutting it. For years I have been on the lookout for the perfect cold weather military trench coat, and though I’ve freely admitted I’m no fashionista, even I have rules when it comes to hunting down the elusive perfection of my fantasy trench, my version of wearable art:

1. It can’t be too feminine – no ruffles, no odd bias cuts. I want a classic “I mean business” look where the sexiness lies in the seriousness.

Too frou-frou.

2. It can’t be too goth – no chains, hardware, extraneous pieces of leather for God knows what. Went through that phase in the 90s.

Too emo.

3. It can’t be ultramodern cyber goth, either. I was Trinity from the movie The Matrix for Halloween one year. I can’t in good conscience wear that on the street. And no black. It emphasizes goth-i-ness.

Too costumey.

4. It can’t be outrageously expensive. Again, “I don’t want to pay alot for this muffler.” 

£3,500 ($5742) - Burberry. Ugly AND expensive.

5. Go easy on the WWII – It can’t be over-the-top military or overtly steampunk. I don’t want to actually look like I’m on a recon mission or that I’ll pull out a Glock at any moment.

Say "Eastern Front" without saying a word.

6. I dig the high collar, but not in leather. Looks great on the guys in Brotherhood of the Wolf, not so great on a 5’4″ midwestern woman.

Too French Revolution-y.

7. Go easy on the rivets – I don’t want the coat to be over-peppered with them. Like a leather sofa in a fancy parlor.

Looks like a bullet-proof coat that was shot up with a tommy gun.

So yesterday I found the right balance of military chic (yay!)…
And it was on clearance (yay!)…

This bowl of porridge was just right.

At K-Mart (oh no… I don’t want Burberry but I don’t want crap, either)…
For $7.99 (get the hell outta here! Too good to be true. Polyvore listed it at $50 at K-Mart.)
So I went to add it to my online cart, and COULD NOT: the site says there was an “error” and to “try again later” (alas, it wasn’t meant to be.)

I Tweeted my disdain to K-Mart for their technological faux pas. Deal teases. If it was out of stock, SAY SO, don’t give me false hope.

Sigh…so back in the trenches I go…I know this coat exists in some realm…my hunt continues.

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1 Comment

  1. Where can I find the “Eastern Front” coat and how much is it?


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