Haiku Wednesday: Old Timey CATS!

Their paws say “let’s play”
But their eyes say “this is hell”!
Kneeless dolls can’t jump.

ANTHROPOMORPHIZED!
Tranquilized pets are cute but
they can’t write letters.

May I introduce
Sir Frisk N. Litter, Esquire
at your service ma’am.

Tied to chair with twine
ADHD cat photos
never go as planned.

Both look as happy
as human pairs of that time.
Arranged marriage fail.

Cat carriage of death,
You’re a nightmare with a hat
made from human brains!

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Haiku Wednesday: Old Timey Kids

Due to popular demand, Haiku Wednesday will be a re-occurring feature. This week’s series is dedicated to old timey kid photos.
 
 New sheriff in town
I pushed Humpty Dumpty off
This is my wall, bitch.
 
 
 You looking at me?
Don’t make me come off this chair
I’ll tune you up, son.
 
 
 Hey, it’s Lloyd Christmas!
Scissors and a soup bowl make
the haircut of shame.
 
 
Chunkified baby
Stores terror in her huge cheeks
Get in my belly.
 
 
 Dressed like a VP
Gift basket of dead flowers
Worst birthday ever.
 
 
 Lil girl linebacker
Holds bosomy doll of death
Don’t make eye contact.
 
 
Future pole dancer
Too many sexual jokes
So churn, baby, churn.
 

Wagon doll is dead
No clean pants – a skirt for Jim
Anne plots more murder.

 

 

The Creepy Company We Keep

In 2005 my husband and I received a frantic emergency call at 9:00pm from our friends Tom and Colleen. We needed to check eBay stat!
 
What we saw put us into such hysterics of tearful laughter that it was imperative that we have this item. The intrinsic humor value was too high to pass by.

The two of us couples won the auction and split the $175 price tag with the verbal agreement of joint custody. And soon Gary the gaping mouth mannequin boy arrived.

To the “waste-of-money” chortles of both of our families, Gary’s presence has endured through two households, two weddings, Christmases, Halloweens, and various other photo opportunities. He is a giant, posable, dressable conversation piece.

When my husband and I had first visitation of Gary, we’d kept him in our living room, I’d walk into the living room from the kitchen, let’s say, and nearly pee myself because I’d forgotten about him being there – this happened 10x a day. Countless times has Gary been the pawn in practical jokes: often being quietly placed in the rooms of sleeping house guests and posed in the front room windows. Through the years his quiet bravado, sassy tilt of the head, and uncanny ability to maintain the same weight has kept us all enamored and intrigued. He’s a friend and a confidant.

Click Here To Friend Gary on Facebook!

The four of us responsible for Gary realize that his acquisition speaks more about us all then it does him. And he has served as a sort of friend litmus test as well; because hey, if you are too cool for school to hang with Gary, the rest of us probably aren’t for you, either. So this post is dedicated to that creepy mannequin art that offers jolts of surprise, laughs, raised eyebrows, and photos year after year.

Gary Lights Up the Neighborhood at Christmas

 
Gary Loves All Things Latin, Too
Guidance? Right This Way

Hes a Real Cut Up at Halloween

He is a HUGE FAN of Bob Marley
Gary is a Certified Zombie Survivalist and Lounge Pants Enthusiast
The Life of the Party
An Entertainer at Weddings
 
If you think Gary would make a good addition to your circle of friends, I’m sure he’d be delighted if you friended him on Facebook