Haiku Wednesday: White Yankee Elephant Swap

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Festivus, and Merry Winter Solstice. However you decide to celebrate, may your gifts be better than these. And if you will be participating in what North Americans refer to as a White Elephant or Yankee Swap gift exchange, I hope you are able to stun your colleagues and constituents with gifts as random and disturbing as these.

 

Lucky Nuts Squirrel
gave up his feet for fashion.
They scratch my neck, though.

Domestic hero?
She represents WOMEN’S LIB!
 “Where’s my pot pie, bitch?”

Well, you’re a sad pair.
Don’t cry tears of da feet, just
slipper on, you two.

Big ‘billy Ammo:
Show ‘em all you’d go “postal”!
[Gun not included]

Sad Brontosaurus.
And sad writer …and reader…
*sigh*…Merry Sadmas.

Who invented this
robot arm to malfunction
and choke your life out?

Useless canine ghoul,
Someone rubbed your nose in sh**
Knick-knack, that is whack.

In the name of the
Holy Toast I pronounce you
buttered and tasty.

Haiku Wednesday: Photos With Santa

… And this one’s Jenny.
When I behead you girls you’ll
both be in row five.

 

Black socket Santas
trafficking confused children.
Yule wish you were safe. 

 

 Hey, Santa Wizard,
step away from the orphans
and calm your ‘stache, please.

 

 I hate sax music!
Make the imp go away, Dad!
Winter’s leprachaun!

 

 Cobwebbed Christmas trees
always unsettled Billy.
That, and killer toys.

 

 Prepped to eat Yoko,
Ogre Santa’s beard doubles
as a blood catcher.

 

Original LIFE slideshow photo source.

Haiku Wednesday: A Halloween Ode to Horror

 
Legend of Zelda;
Anorexic PSA,
A pawn of the King.

 

 The sight of this clown
Makes me need to change my drawers…
They all float down here!


Overlook Furries,
Gimme some snort-hog lovin’!
You’re my caretaker ❤


I don’t feel so well.
Puppetmasta, puke fasta!
This grosses me out*

 *Actually grosses me out.

 

 

Leatherface Wanted:
Tall, must fill up a doorway,
cross-dress / skin sew soft.


Turn around, bright eyes.
The pow’r of soup compels you!
Hey, who wants split pea?


{Besties with Pinhead}
I have a HUGE toothbrush and
I floss with your fear.

Haiku Wednesday…On Thursday: Part Deux

Lenny the Bear laughs
at the photog’s disregard
for his fellow man.

…..

Put ‘em up, sweet cheeks,
this random bird cage is mine!
And stop with that grin!

…..

Lynn admires Ann
for her negative jean size;
“one day I’ll be thin…”

….

Boot! Get your boot here!
Did I mention it’s RUBBER?
And we deliver!

 Help, I got it stuck!!
And Clucky’s pecking at it!
Dad?… Dad! Quit laughing!

Bored Ostfront soldiers
put on the best talent shows
next to the outhouse.

Haiku Wednesday: Classic Moments In Sports

Another head grows
filled with your noggin’s anger:
Quatto of the brain”.

Pool your resources.
How’d the high dive contest go?
It went swimmingly.

Shot put of straining…
To push your skull through your face
or blow a throat node.

Overexcited
crazed orange musculature.
Sir, you scare me.

Winded mask-faced pro,
look like this ALL THE TIME and
I might watch
tennis.

Red screams in mid-air
Stiffly dumped out of a chair
from Olympic heights.

Haiku Wednesday: Funny Hats

Cigarettina,
Ash blonde Bogarted.
Huge side-of-head smoke.

A foul weather hat.
You’re in for a good roasting,
giblet-brained hipster.

Oh, here’s a good one.
Nice mustard-toned knit mustache…
Your mom must hate you.

Impressive sized bird.
This hat should be worn…always…
with black eyeliner.

He has film in mind,
to channel Rick James and stay
a Super Freak, yo.

Mittens is bitter.
My favorite flavor of cat,
sour face and all.

Haiku Wednesday: Farm Animals

Nature’s Rufinol
predators’ insta-dinner:
Evolution failed?

Cinnamon sidekick,
you can make it on your own,
cuteness sustains you.

….

Why the white biscuits?
Horses come with built-in hooves,
you don’t need shoes.

Dearest llama mop,
I want to braid your hair and
make a fort in it.

Janet Jackson mane,
Black Beauty runs like a breeze…
a very light breeze.

Huggable equines;
Russian nesting doll horses.
Where’s the next smallest?