Famous After I Die “Artistocracy” Blog
… And this one’s Jenny.
When I behead you girls you’ll
both be in row five.
Black socket Santas
trafficking confused children.
Yule wish you were safe.
Hey, Santa Wizard,
step away from the orphans
and calm your ‘stache, please.
I hate sax music!
Make the imp go away, Dad!
Winter’s leprachaun!
Cobwebbed Christmas trees
always unsettled Billy.
That, and killer toys.
Prepped to eat Yoko,
Ogre Santa’s beard doubles
as a blood catcher.
Thanks to my pal Kristy for pointing out the source of these photos: http://uglyrenaissancebabies.tumblr.com/
And if you like poetry, please visit my friend Tom’s latest poetry blog at http://contentedunderpressure.wordpress.com/
..
Timberlake-haired tot
With the sharp bird beak nose, please
cover your wee junk.
…
Zombie angel ghouls
bite and devour Jesus Christ.
He tastes Heavenly!
…
Frida Kahlo-esque.
“Stare into my black deadlights.”
— Joyless baby man.
…
What! Babies can’t read.
Her fingers do the walking,
each broken and bent.
…
Eye Baggage Central!
Mom holds baby, baby holds…
a random orange.
…
Long torso-ed Jesus;
Born a 10-year-old to the
extra long-necked Mary.
…
Does this bug you, Mom?
[Mom could use a good stiff drink.]
Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!
…
Shrinking face disease.
Mistaken double penis.
Got my eyes on you.
…
…
Basket case Billy;
Quick, someone slam the lid shut
and roll it downhill!
….
A Morton Salt ad
for a tasty suckling Babe,
When it rains, it oinks.
…..
Such conflicting props.
Quoth the raven, “Never horns!”
So David Lynch-esque.
…..
THEY LIVE for judgment,
numbered female namelessness,
and torpedo boobs.
…..
This teddy bear sucks.
I want one that’s de-clawed and
de-kill-instinct-ed.
…..
Sleepwalkin’ creepy:
Where The (olde) Wild Things Are on
All Ambien’s Eve.
…..
James insisted on
a steampunk-themed photo and
Lynn’s pissed — can you tell?
…
…
Legend of Zelda;
Anorexic PSA,
A pawn of the King.
…
The sight of this clown
Makes me need to change my drawers…
They all float down here!
…
…
Overlook Furries,
Gimme some snort-hog lovin’!
You’re my caretaker ❤
…
…
I don’t feel so well.
Puppetmasta, puke fasta!
This grosses me out*
*Actually grosses me out.
Leatherface Wanted:
Tall, must fill up a doorway,
cross-dress / skin sew soft.
…
…
Turn around, bright eyes.
The pow’r of soup compels you!
Hey, who wants split pea?
…
…
{Besties with Pinhead}
I have a HUGE toothbrush and
I floss with your fear.
…
…
Lenny the Bear laughs
at the photog’s disregard
for his fellow man.
…..
Put ‘em up, sweet cheeks,
this random bird cage is mine!
And stop with that grin!
…..
Lynn admires Ann
for her negative jean size;
“one day I’ll be thin…”
….
Boot! Get your boot here!
Did I mention it’s RUBBER?
And we deliver!
…
Help, I got it stuck!!
And Clucky’s pecking at it!
Dad?… Dad! Quit laughing!
…
Bored Ostfront soldiers
put on the best talent shows
next to the outhouse.
…
…
These photos, originally posted in Buzzfeed, were brought to my attention by @goebejoe. Kudos to you, my friend, for stoking my haiku fire. I needed that. WARNING: a few may be unsuitable for younger readers.
Billy always hates
weekends at Satan’s…that’s some
court-ordered bullsh**.
…
Old-time Basket Case.
But Belial is polite
and snappily dressed.
…
Big Boss “Cheeks” Malone
has Miami by the balls.
Yeah. Now beat it, kid.
…
Lil’ Sarah Palin
hunts commies, armed with
misinformation.
…
Bubba hates pink food,
except hot pink sirloin strips
wrapped in pink bacon.
…
(Rattling along)
Top of the mourning to you,
my transparent friend.
…
Sally says to Sam:
Who’s ready for some good head?
Don’t all speak at once.
…
Team Lizzie Borden
wins Bloodiest Slaughter of
Innocents contest.
…
…
Another head grows
filled with your noggin’s anger:
“Quatto of the brain”.
…
Pool your resources.
How’d the high dive contest go?
It went swimmingly.
…
Shot put of straining…
To push your skull through your face
or blow a throat node.
…
Overexcited
crazed orange musculature.
Sir, you scare me.
…
Winded mask-faced pro,
look like this ALL THE TIME and
I might watch tennis.
…
Red screams in mid-air
Stiffly dumped out of a chair
from Olympic heights.
…
…
You southern charmer!
Like Sooki’s home from TrueBlood.
Multi-textured warmth.
…
My medieval lust
flares hot at this chamber’s sight;
a fortress-sized “want”.
……
I dream of woodwork:
of ornate oak filigree…
and Persian rug fields.
…
A room with a Clue.
I’d study you all day long,
Nirvana of tomes.
…
Frosted angel cake –
the Marie Antoinette room;
Privilege in White.
…
Tell me a story,
of longing and dark fated
Great Expectations.
…
…
Cigarettina,
Ash blonde Bogarted.
Huge side-of-head smoke.
…
A foul weather hat.
You’re in for a good roasting,
giblet-brained hipster.
…
Oh, here’s a good one.
Nice mustard-toned knit mustache…
Your mom must hate you.
…
Impressive sized bird.
This hat should be worn…always…
with black eyeliner.
…
He has film in mind,
to channel Rick James and stay
a Super Freak, yo.
…
Mittens is bitter.
My favorite flavor of cat,
sour face and all.
…
He soaked in terror.
Look into the eyes of doom
and see grinning death.
…
Scary flip-top head
Like a live dental dummy
to swallow you whole.
…
Canker sore monkey,
you wake and bake every day…
in between killings.
…
Denture-less and gray,
the naked old man monkey
listens to lectures.
…
Perma-80’s hair…
The Skid Row of your species.
God Thunderdomed you!
…
Skeletorium:
Double nightmare incarnate.
I just wet myself.
…
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